Adoption in DeWitt reunites four siblings
Posted on Monday, May 12, 2008
DeWITT — Lou “Boo” Cox grew up in a family of seven, so he thought he knew what it took to run a large household before he and his wife adopted four siblings.
But the 6-foot-4, 225-pound former University of Arkansas at Monticello defensive end wasn’t prepared for the physical demands that came with expanding their household from two to six overnight. From never-ending loads of laundry to relearning fifth-grade algebra, the Coxes often find their energy supply near empty.
The Coxes were unable to conceive children. Beth hoped to adopt two children, while Boo considered adding up to three to their family. But when an adoption specialist from the state’s foster-care program called to ask if the family would consider four, they wanted to know more.
After meeting the oldest two girls at Chuck E. Cheese’s in North Little Rock on Aug. 11, Boo and Beth “fell in love” with them and decided that they wanted to adopt all four siblings.
The Coxes’ leap of faith reunited three sisters ages 7, 11 and 12, as well as their 4-yearold brother.
Separation from siblings is of- ten one of the unintended consequences of foster care.
In fiscal 2007, only 41 percent of the 1, 922 children in Arkansas foster care who also had siblings in the system were placed in a home with all of their siblings. Some 62 percent were placed with at least one of their siblings, a decline from the previous three years when the figure hovered around 70 percent, according to data from the state’s Children and Family Services Division.
The figures on siblings in foster care, however, do not exclude children who have been purposely placed in separate homes because of safety concerns or court orders, but that figure is small, said Lillie Owens, adoption services manager for the Division of Children and Family Services.
The state doesn’t keep statistics on how many children who are adopted out of the foster care system stay with their siblings. Typically, groups of four or more siblings aren’t adopted by the same family, but usually the children are adopted with at least one sibling, Owens said.
In an effort to recruit adoptive parents, state adoption employees list siblings on the state’s Web site and through Heart Galleries, collections of professional photographs of foster children displayed in public places. Employees also contact families who have expressed an interest in adopting siblings and frequent areas of the state “where large sibling groups don’t scare people off,” Owens said.
Siblings play an especially important role for foster children, who may lose contact with other relatives when they are removed from their families. Siblings can serve as a buffer against the worst effects of harsh circumstances, according to research compiled by the U. S. Department of Health and Human Services Children’s Bureau.
Separated siblings face a greater risk of poor mental health, running away and failing to find a permanent home with their birth family, an adoptive family or guardians, according to research cited by the Children’s Bureau.
In Chicago, a program called Neighbor to Neighbor began in 1994 in an effort to keep siblings in foster care together, said Kim Cobb, the program’s clinical director.
The program, funded by the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services, seeks to develop foster homes that are willing to take four or more siblings. In addition to paying the foster parents a flat amount based on the number of foster children in their home, the organization pays them salaries and benefits, which helps the organization retain foster parents willing to take in multiple siblings, Cobb said.
“Most of them have come from large sibling groups and value that,” she said.
Since 1998, the program has expanded to parts of Florida, Georgia, Maryland, North Carolina and Virginia.
Keeping large groups of brothers and sisters intact demands extra time, money, bedroom space and patience from foster or adoptive parents. The Coxes immediately felt the financial impact.
The family’s first trip to Wal-Mart for bedding, clothes, shoes, towels, a booster seat and a bed cost more than $ 800. Their monthly electric bill doubled to $ 460. Their weekly grocery bill roughly tripled to $ 180.
Gifts from their family, church and neighbors helped soften the financial shock and a state adoption subsidy of $ 1, 700 a month helps the family make ends meet. The Coxes are solidly middle class — Boo owns a tire store in DeWitt and Beth works for the U. S. Department of Agriculture in Clarendon as a rural development specialist — but the subsidy is a “lifesaver.” The Division of Children and Family Services plans to spend about $ 15 million in state and federal funds on adoption subsidies during the fiscal year, which ends June 30, Owens said. The subsidies are available to families who adopt three or more siblings, children with physical, emotional or mental disabilities and children who meet other criteria. Families must also meet certain income levels.
The Coxes say they have experienced numerous joys since adopting the four children.
They took the children to Heber Springs for their first camping trip and to their first rodeo at the Arkansas State Fair in Little Rock. The Coxes realized that 7-year-old Cheyenne had no idea what animals typically competed in such an event.
“Is this the rodeo ?” Cheyenne asked viewing a shark tank.
Cheyenne prompted more laughs during an April hearing to finalize the children’s adoption. During a quiet moment in the courtroom, loud enough for everyone to hear, Cheyenne asked Beth Cox: “Momma, is that man wearing a dress ?” Circuit Judge Robert Edwards laughed and told Cheyenne that he never understood the “robe thing,” either.
The children don’t hold back their affection for their new parents. On a recent Friday evening, 4-year-old Dillon and Cheyenne wrapped themselves around their mother as she arrived home from work.
“Momma, I love you,” Cheyenne said.
Dillon and Cheyenne began calling the Coxes “Mom” and “Dad” immediately. The older two girls initially called them Mr. Boo and Miss Beth, but switched to “Mom” and “Dad” within weeks.
“The kids are starving for attention,” Boo Cox said. “They swarm [Beth ] like bees. It’s partly because they don’t get to see her a lot.... They’ve been here six months and can’t get enough love and attention.” After catching her breath, Beth Cox embraced 12-year-old Ina, asking about her social studies test.
“You’re almost as tall as I am, girl,” she said as Ina laid her head on Beth’s shoulder. “We need to measure you again.” Black marks on a doorway in the Coxes’ kitchen chronicle the growth of each child, including Boo’s 14-year-old son who lives with his mother, but regularly visits.
The Coxes have 12 horses, a foal, 16 cows, about 50 chickens, two dogs, several cats and five calves, including three who must be bottle fed twice a day. Caring for all of their animals and people sometimes leads to grueling days, although the children, especially Cheyenne, often help with the animals.
The couple typically start their days between 5 a.m. and 5: 30 a.m. Beth Cox washes clothes and any dishes left over from the night before, checks the children’s homework, signs permission slips and updates financial records for the tire shop. Boo Cox bottle feeds the calves, then wakes the girls.
While they’re getting ready, he feeds five of the horses and lets out the chickens. Around 7 a. m., he wakes Dillon and gets him ready for school.
Beth Cox leaves for her hourlong commute just after the school bus picks up the girls at 7: 05 a.m.
Boo Cox leaves minutes later to drop off Dillon at preschool. He used to arrive at his tire store at 7 a. m., opening the business by the posted time of 7: 30 a.m. Now he typically opens the door at 7: 45 a.m.
When the occasional customer complains that he opened late, he tells him that “he has a life.” He and the children are usually home by 5: 30 p.m. The siblings start their homework and help with chores while Dad starts dinner and feeds the barn animals.
Beth Cox arrives at about 6: 30 p.m. and helps with any remaining homework. The children finish their chores, take baths and head to bed by 8: 30 p.m. or 9 p.m.
Sometimes the couple catches up with each other between 9: 30 p.m. and 10 p.m. or for a few minutes in the mornings.
The Coxes quickly realized they had to carve out time for each other, so they designated the three hours after Sunday lunch as alone time.
The children take a nap or read while Mom and Dad talk or watch a movie.
Despite the grueling days and hectic pace of life, Boo and Beth Cox say the difficulties have been worthwhile. Rewards come with everyday celebrations, like when Cheyenne lost her first tooth or when Dillon arrived home, grinning ear to ear, and reported that he had a “high-five day.” “You watch them accomplish stuff and the little bright light in their eye when they do something,” Boo Cox said.
Beth Cox said she now knows how the parent of a newborn feels even though she didn’t get to see her children’s first steps or hear their first words.
“So it’s all the firsts that I’m getting to experience,” she said. “It’s just too cool.”
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