Out of My Mind : Happy Mother’s Day to real mothers
Posted on Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Happy Mother's Day, Mother.
What is the end of mothering ?
Is there an end ?
My eldest graduates this Sunday - a college graduation on Mother's Day will draw together the family - immediate, extended, all the married children - to descend on a small Ozark town to wish the eldest child of the family congratulations.
She's no longer a child, but I clearly remember holding her, a toothless 6-month-old and wondering what the years ahead held.
It seems like just yesterday she was 6, and then 10, and then 16. Now, at 23, she's a beautiful young lady full of potential.
Is my job finished ? Probably not. It's changed, but hardly finished.
Two daughters are married, another is about to be married and another carries a son to be delivered in the fall. The family dynamics are changing.
One lady, a mother of five, said mothering is hard business. She laughed and said the Sunday sermons on the high qualities of mothers often makes her feel inadequate. She said praise from others makes her wish they could see her when she loses her temper and yells at her children.
Those Mother's Day sermons evoke a variety of responses in the people in the church. But, for the most part, they're designed to encourage and equip so mothers can go back into the trenches and persevere.
Often over the years, other mothers have exclaimed about having nine children and exclaimed that the didn't have the patience for one, much less nine. Neither do I.
More than two decades ago, I prayed for patience and humility and that prayer is constantly answered daily, more often than not by my continual awareness of my own inadequacies and failures and continual need for God's guidance and enabling.
Mother, nay, parenting, is not a perfect science. We work with moldable people who have wills of their own. Somehow in the early days of mothering, my friends and I believed that if we "did it all right, they'd turn out right. "But, the equation isn't that simple.
I'm often reminded that Adam and Eve were created by God, lived in a perfect environment, had no peer pressure, no modern media, no influences they could blame, and still their first son murdered their second son.
Do we give up in discouragement or despair ? No.
It is said it's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. So, we continue to teach, guide, correct. We recognize that if children were perfect, there would be no need for parents. They will fail. They will willingly disobey. They will make foolish choices. It's up to us to help get them back on track and help them see the ultimate consequences of their choices.
A friend complained that she had too many children. An older lady back home said: "Honey, don't you know ? One child takes all your time."
It matters not how many you have... it's how you love and care for them. It is imperative that parents recognize their own culpability and admit their weaknesses while still humbly exercising their authority over their children. We err when we dominate and demand simply because we're older and stronger.
We must recognize that we are stewards of the most precious resource there is - tomorrow's citizens. These children now in our homes are tomorrow's leaders. They are the doctors and teachers, the statesmen and businessmen, the mothers and fathers of our grandchildren. Are we helping them learn self-control and self-denial ? Are we modeling self-discipline and humble leadership ? Do we require them to suffer the consequences of their choices ?
People are eternal beings. They're far more valuable than the houses and cars we work so hard to acquire. We cannot invest too much in them when it's done properly.
My mother and grandmother set a wonderful example of mothering for me. My grandmother continued mothering even her grandchildren. To this day, despite age-induced infirmities, she always asks how we're doing, how the children are, what is going on in their lives. She cares for the young and continues to think of them.
My mother was a teacher for many decades. She poured herself into her children and her students. She made every situation a learning time. She recognized the value of each child and tried to help them see a vision of their future and their ability to learn.
There are others who've "mothered me"and invested in my life - Dot, Miss Elsie, Granny. There were teachers who cared enough to demand excellence. Happy Mother's Day !
Now, my friends and I are becoming grandmothers. The roles are changing, but not diminishing. We continue to guide, counsel (when asked ), love, pray for and sometimes, worry.
There are no perfect mothers. There are no perfect children. But, if we recognize our own imperfections, have the humility to ask forgiveness when we blow it, and just keep on trying, we'll survive the hard, yet truly rewarding job of mothering.
And, Happy Mother's Day to you young mothers with little ones in tow. Enjoy these years; they'll pass all too quickly. The toil is unending, but it's worth it all !
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